#NashvilleHasMyHeart
One of my friends in LA asked me how I could go home for two and a half weeks without going crazy, and I responded by saying, “You don’t understand. I get to go home to Nashville.” I kept catching myself telling people that I felt like a little kid at Christmas, which I realized was actually more true that the saying usually indicates. Granted, I’m not a little kid anymore, but I think everyone gets to be a kid at heart during the holidays.
This all to say, as I was anticipating coming home in December I could not have been more excited. Nashville is a place where I feel known, and that is such a beautiful gift. We all desire to be known, and it is not until we find ourselves in a place where we lack that security that we realize just how wonderful a gift it really is. I think I took that for granted because I had never lived in a place where I was completely alone. Even going to college, I knew there were a few people who knew me. And I was in a city where a lot of people knew me, even though I didn’t seem them often. There is a certain security that comes with being known, and I don’t think I ever realized it until I lost it. This reality has been hard because in realizing that I am not known, I have seen how fundamental a desire it is. I’ve always been so comfortable being alone that I didn’t realize the difference between being alone and not being known.
This has also been a huge part of the way that God has been working in my heart since I have moved to LA because in the absence of familiarity, I have been able to see that the person who knows my heart inside and out has always been and always will be right beside me. I always knew this in my head, but I find that often times the longest distance to travel is between your head and your heart.
Have you ever discounted when your dad says you look pretty because he’s your dad and has to say it? Almost like it doesn’t count coming from him? I do this all the time, which is embarrassing and silly to admit in writing, but its true. We look for validation from people who aren’t ‘required’ to give it and discount the encouragement and truth spoken from those that love us the most. What the Lord has been teaching me since September, and especially in the last 15 hours, is that I don’t have to look past him to find value and worth. So, even though I am 3000 miles away from the people that know me, I’m really not alone at all.
I have been telling myself this over and over again since I got to the airport yesterday afternoon in Nashville. Its not that I don’t like LA or didn’t want to come back, but rather that I had a fresh understanding of what I was leaving behind. Its one thing to miss my friends when I am not aware of what they are doing without me, but its a completely different thing to miss them after spending two and a half weeks seeing what I'm missing. I don’t really know how to articulate how I feel because on one hand I am incredibly sad to leave and feel such a loss of community when I do. However, on the other hand I know that I am where God has me for this season of my life, and I am excited to walk that out with him and see how his plan for me unfolds. I also know that just because I’m not there doesn’t mean that I’ve lost my friends in Nashville (especially in this crazy technology age where we are bombarded with the in and outs of our friends lives whether we like it or not :). Thank you Twitter and Instagram for letting me feel like I still live life with my friends far away).
So, now to a more upbeat topic- CHRISTMAS!!! And what a fun filled break I had.
Julia's 50th Birthday!!
Trivia Night at Cabana (I know its not the best picture, but its the only one I have)
At this point, Christmas was quickly approaching, and it was time to finish my Christmas shopping. My grandmother came in town, which was really fun because it was the first Christmas that she has ever spent with us. Normally we see her right after Christmas, but it was so great to have her. We played a lot of cribbage and drank a lot of champagne. Then we had a fun family dinner with Kaitlyn, the Scotts, and the Guessettos. I love that my parents' house always has a stream of people coming over. I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Cribbage and Champagne!
Then on the 23rd we celebrated John’s 19th birthday by seeing Sherlock Holmes, which I didn’t fully understand, and then having some quality family time over dinner and dessert. I always feel like it is really the holidays when its his birthday. It is always the first celebratory thing we do, and I love that we always get to celebrate with him.
On Christmas Eve, we made taco soup, wrapped presents, watched a movie, and finished our last errands before Christmas day. Then we went to the Shulman’s house, like we do every year, and ate our weight in yummy desserts. Next, we party hopped over to the Baldridges house and got to see lots of friends. In the Rodgers house we have a Christmas Eve tradition where my dad always buys us new pajamas that we wear to bed and don’t take off for all of Christmas day. This year we did something a bit different because my sister has proven difficult to buy PJs for since scrubs are her pajamas of choice. This year we did shoes, well boots more specifically, instead of pajamas, and I have to say I loved the switch. Don’t get me wrong, I love pajamas, but I am fine in my leggings and oversized tshirt if I get to have new boots instead!
After finishing out the night with Holiday Inn, my all time favorite Christmas movie, we went to bed and waited for Santa to arrive. I think one of the best things about having grown kids for my parents is that we don’t wake them up at 5:00 in the morning on Christmas anymore. And I love that I can actually get sleep before Christmas now that I’m grown up. One of the few perks of growing up, I guess.
We woke up, had coffee and homemade cinnamon rolls, opened our stockings, and divided the presents up into piles (which is my favorite thing to do). Then we spent the rest of the morning and afternoon opening presents. That night we went over to my cousins’ house and ate dinner over there. Then we did stockings with them, and the rule is that you can’t spend over $5.00 on a stocking stuffer. Usually people break this rule (you know who you are), but considering my disposable income at the moment, I kept it for the first time.We spent the next couple days doing puzzles, watching movies, and playing games until we left for Knoxville on the 28th. We had an epic game night with “The Game of Things”, which everyone should go out an buy if you don’t have it already. Then we saw War Horse the next day before going to the UT basketball game. My cousin Seth is the head manager for the team and we always get to go to games over the holidays when we’re home. It was a nail-biter of a game... oh wait, even the white guys got to play at the end. It was really fun though, and its always nice to see family.
Once I got home on the 30th, my friends were back and I got to hang out with them on Friday night. Then on Saturday I got to hang out with Suzanne Williams at Frothy Monkey and see The Descendants, which I had been wanting to see because of the Oscar buzz its been getting. Then my friends Chris, Kyle, and Austin threw an epic New Year’s Eve party at the Triple Thread Warehouse complete with photo booth, black lights, and non-stop dancing. It is actually the first New Years in a while where I actually had fun. Usually expectations are never met on New Years, but this year I had a great time. On Sunday I prepared to leave, which was not an easy thing to look forward to. I went to Frothy Monkey before church, which is a great way to start the New Year because I got to hang out at my favorite coffee shop and then go to Midtown and start the year off with some good Jesus time. After lunch with Megan and Drew, I went home to join in the Modern Family marathon we were having at my house. Then I went on a walk with Kaitlyn and watched more Modern Family. That night I went over to my second favorite house in Nashville (second only to my own) on S. Douglas and got to hang out with friends one last time.
Monday was a packing day, but I did get to go see the Crawfords, which made my heart happy. The boys are so grown up- I swear Jack is going to be taller than me the next time I see him, which I can’t wrap my head around. Then I finished packing and went to say bye to my grandmother on my way to the airport. At the airport I was sent out in Nashville style at the Tootsies located in Terminal C (see below).
Overall, it was a fabulous Christmas break. I was able to go home long enough to feel like I really got to have meaningful time with people, instead of just glimpses. Thank you Hollywood for shutting down for two weeks, I really appreciate it! Yes, it was hard to come back, but this made it much easier:
Now that I'm back, I am forcing myself to look forward instead of back, which will be made easier come Monday when I start work for the Oscars. I'm really excited about this, and I have to admit, its kind of cool to say that the first year I lived in L.A. I worked the Oscars. Other than that, I am looking forward to seeing what this year holds. I don't really know what to expect, but I know it will be a good one!P.S. Is it too soon to start planning my next trip back to Nashville?
Oh, Kathleen! Can I just say I LOVE YOU!! What an incredible young woman you are. I am so proud to know you. Nashville misses you. We are so proud of you for chasing your dreams.
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