With Endings Come Beginnings

I am realizing lately that endings and beginnings are a package deal. You cannot have one without the other, and while it may be easier to look at one or the other in isolation (depending on the circumstance of course) the other is always lurking close at hand. It is natural to mourn the end of something wonderful- a season of life, a place, people- but I can rest in the knowledge that something is beginning that will be better than I could ever imagine.

Moving is scary. There is not much else to it. It is especially scary to move when the only place you have ever lived is Nashville, TN. Everything in Nashville is known. I can drive it in my sleep, and there is nothing new for me to discover here. I have all my "spots" and I know everything about this city that is comforting. I know the coffee shops, and I usually know someone sitting at their tables. I run into people everywhere I go that I recognize or know on some level. By no means am I saying that familiarity is a bad thing. On the contrary, it provides a sense of comfort that is rare and beautiful. All of these things symbolize home to me. Nashville is home, and it always will be, and being known and secure in your community is a beautiful thing.

On the other side is the realization that there is a whole lot of personal growth and discovery that cannot happen for me in Nashville. There is a freedom I long for that does not exist here. Freedom is an interesting concept because it is defined in so many different ways. There is so much that freedom encompasses and so much potential in its discovery. I am not good with freedom. I like rules, and I like to keep them. I like having borders made and lines drawn, and I take great comfort in that which is known and comfortable. I read books multiple times, and I re-watch movies frequently because it is safe. I know the ending. I know I like the book. It is known and it is safe.

Freedom scares the shit out of me, pardon my Irish language. It means that the world is not defined by previous set boundaries or fences. It is mine for the taking, and I have no idea the first step to taking it. I know how to dream. That has never been the issue. Dreaming is easy, but the actuality of dreams is much more uncertain. I guess it is the fear of falling that keeps most people on the ground in the first place, and I understand that. The ground is known and safe, while the air is unpredictable and uncontrollable. But there is so much reward in taking those chances that seem so potentially catastrophic. Usually there aren't catastrophic at all, but rather exhilarating and liberating. I am trying to embrace freedom and what it means to engage in its discovery.